My thoughts about negotiation...
I've made mistakes concerning negotiation. At times I've been a pushover. At other times I've been a bull in a china shop. When I make mistakes like these I'm left wondering how could I have handled things better.
Part of the problem is that I'm a woman. When women are assertive, they are considered _itchy. But, I've learned that is just what is necessary, if only rarely. Some people will take advantage of you until you just really draw a line in the sand and make it clear that if that line is crossed, some part of the relationship will just be irreparably damaged. This requires courage. No one really wants to be perceived as a _itch. Neither do you want to be a doormat. Dr. Phil would say that you teach people how to treat you. I think he's right.
Since the "_itch card" should be used sparingly, other skills of negotiation are, well, absolutely vital. Here's my take on negotiation. The first question you must ask yourself is, "What do I really want?". If the answer is, "I want to "win" an argument", then you really need to consider the cost of "winning". On a deeper level, I think the real need is to be understood. You need to communicate the reason(s) you feel so strongly about any given topic. But before you begin expressing your need to be understood, you need to seek to understand the other person. That thought comes from Steven R. Covey. This implies that you actually care how the other person feels. A person has to feel safe in expressing their feelings, so you have to be a "safe" listener.
To sum it up, here's some do's & don'ts:
1. Don't be obstinate and insist that everything go your way.
2. Don't be a pushover.
3. Do pick your battles wisely - when it absolutely matters.
4. Do pray about your negotiations before they begin. Really understand your own motivations. Are your being "right-headed" or "wrong-headed"? Pray for wisdom before you get started.
5. Do learn from your mistakes.
6. Do practice kindness.
7. Do practice courage. Be firm about matters of integrity, and providence.
8. Do practice generosity. Generosity is a gift that is usually returned. When it isn't, see suggestion #2.
Part of the problem is that I'm a woman. When women are assertive, they are considered _itchy. But, I've learned that is just what is necessary, if only rarely. Some people will take advantage of you until you just really draw a line in the sand and make it clear that if that line is crossed, some part of the relationship will just be irreparably damaged. This requires courage. No one really wants to be perceived as a _itch. Neither do you want to be a doormat. Dr. Phil would say that you teach people how to treat you. I think he's right.
Since the "_itch card" should be used sparingly, other skills of negotiation are, well, absolutely vital. Here's my take on negotiation. The first question you must ask yourself is, "What do I really want?". If the answer is, "I want to "win" an argument", then you really need to consider the cost of "winning". On a deeper level, I think the real need is to be understood. You need to communicate the reason(s) you feel so strongly about any given topic. But before you begin expressing your need to be understood, you need to seek to understand the other person. That thought comes from Steven R. Covey. This implies that you actually care how the other person feels. A person has to feel safe in expressing their feelings, so you have to be a "safe" listener.
To sum it up, here's some do's & don'ts:
1. Don't be obstinate and insist that everything go your way.
2. Don't be a pushover.
3. Do pick your battles wisely - when it absolutely matters.
4. Do pray about your negotiations before they begin. Really understand your own motivations. Are your being "right-headed" or "wrong-headed"? Pray for wisdom before you get started.
5. Do learn from your mistakes.
6. Do practice kindness.
7. Do practice courage. Be firm about matters of integrity, and providence.
8. Do practice generosity. Generosity is a gift that is usually returned. When it isn't, see suggestion #2.
good tips! i need to remember those.
ReplyDeletewell, except with jimmy. i feel like, somehow, all regular negotiation tactics go out the window.